John

John is, in essence, who we all are, he is trying to find his way in this life - and in the process; love will find him. Still Love (working title) is told from John's perspective because the biggest of the changes are happening to him, or at least that is how he sees it. John is in his early twenties and is dating a woman who he doesn't love, because that is what he is supposed to be doing, for status and self-preservation sake. While in New Orleans on a business trip, John meets, and ultimately - falls in love with Bayne - amongst many other things that he had never imagined doing. Aside from being freaked out by having feelings for a man, John will face life head on during the time that we will spend with him. Life has already dealt him some sizable blows, but the ones that he will now be confronted with, will redefine him in every possible way.

Impromptu Blog!

It's an impromptu blog! Are you excited? I am!!
First things first, if you follow me on twitter and/or facebook - you will see that I posted about Adam Lambert having won the 2011 "Equality Idol Award" for his commitment to LGBT youths. This is positively amazing to me, kudos to Adam! One of my biggest hopes is that my writing will eventually serve as more than just a means for me to love what I do and to do what I love. I see these causes and have no idea of how to become involved. The community college that I attend has a Gay/Straight Alliance, this fall I intend upon becoming involve. A small effort, but still hugely important – I hope. If it doesn't make you angry that people are being persecuted for their sexual preferences, well, shame on you. How long before we turn a blind eye then to other persecutions as many have in the past.
Soapbox aside - I reached 80K+ words with Bayne and John tonight. It is a small achievement, yes, but still important to me. Again, the book has a working title of "Still Love" it is a story of love and loss in relation to a gay couple. Why is the working title so significant to me? Because, it is still love - no matter who the players are, people! - Oops...there goes the soapbox again... While we're on the aforementioned soapbox, I wanted to share something with you all that now has a greater meaning to me. I read something once where one author had made a post, and not a flattering one, about another author who had said something (this is not a direct quote) along the lines of: "Q: How do you write? A: You sit down at the keyboard and bleed." I have to say, being in round two of edits and just having reached my preliminary goal of 80K valuable words, I agree. I have become so close to my characters that they are, in a way, an extension of me. When they hurt, I hurt; when they love, I love; and when they are abused, I bleed.
I hope that someday, you will all get to read my book, because I am vain. I also hope that someday my book will be as important to someone else as it is to me - not because of the sex scenes and the fact that they are "hot" sex scenes, but because of the love.
Goodnight, all.
=

Airian

Airian Davis was an afterthought, but he has taken my story to previously unimaginable heights.

Airian is young, extremely young, and a former lover of Bayne’s. Airian falls into the plot – changing it and enriching it in ways that I could have never imagined. Never before have I allowed a fictional character so much freedom to do as he pleases in one of my stories. I misheard “Aaron” one day as “Airian” and then this richly flamboyant character stole the story! He possessed John and Bayne in ways that I had no concept of and took the story in a most unexpected direction! Airian is the heart of everything. He is broken, beaten and abused, yet he maintains vulnerability and an innocence that should be completely unattainable in a character with a past like his. Airian is a thing of beauty. He is twenty years old, almost six-feet tall, and has long blond hair. Airian is the man that you want to huddle into your embrace and protect with your dying breath. He is of the image of the gods and damned all at once.

*I had the great fortune of finding a physical representation of Airian. I like having a physical picture of my characters beyond the one that exists in my mind, but to date – Airian is the only one who has one. I won’t embarrass the real man by naming him – ever – but my astonishment remains that there is someone out there who is as beautiful as the Airian that I had imagined.

Bayne

As promised - here is the first of three character introductions. This is Bayne - Samuel Bayne. He's not our main character, but my "trusted-reader" has informed me that he is quite "love" worthy!

Samuel Bayne is 35 when we meet him. In the first half of the story we find out that he is very much a gay-Richard-Gere from Pretty Woman. He is smooth, suave, and sexy as hell. He is gay and very comfortable with that fact. He has many regrets in his life, but his sexuality is not one of those. He finds himself quite taken by one of the junior-architects, John, of the team that is working on his latest mega-property. While his name is Samuel, he prefers just Bayne, as he should - it's a bit of a paradox, just like the man himself. He turns 36 shortly into the story, but for reasons that you will learn later - we miss this. Bayne, while trying to help John come to terms in his life, will face a number of personal demons that he'd tamped down early on in his life. Bayne will find himself, for the first time since having left California, in a position of vulnerability. The epitome of control, Bayne will win you from the moment that he steps into the spotlight.

Critical Mass

I wrote this on facebook in the middle of a "John-esque" fit. I thought that I would repost it here because I would be lying to myself if I said that it had nothing to do with the book.

Critical mass…nuclear meltdown…emotional turmoil, call it what you will. Sometimes it happens. You go and go and go and then you hit a wall. It could be financial, it could be emotional, or it could be an internalization of it all. It happens.
Sometimes you know why, and sometimes it doesn't matter if you know why or not. It still blindsides you and fucks you up.
Sometimes you cause it to happen to yourself; sometimes it is inflicted on you by someone else, or some circumstance. Sometimes it is all of these reasons.
Happiness is a state of mind. Trust, respect, and integrity have to come from within. Sometimes, it is too dark within to locate any of this.
In the end you go on and you are okay, because the other available options are so horrific that nothing good can come from them.
Press on, my friends, as will I.

It's not derailment...it's the next step.

Or at least that is what I am telling myself. I don't know where these thoughts come from, the thoughts for stories and characters - all of that stuff, but I am glad for them. It is like writing one story has opened the flood gate and I have all of these characters popping in and out of my head wanting 'their turn' - it reminds me of that scene in Ghost where Whoopi Goldberg has this line of ghosts waiting to talk to their loved ones through her, except my people aren't dead, they are imaginary. Don't tell the authorities...I'd probably get locked up in a padded cell.
Anyway, I got this idea for a story last night and I wrote out the first couple hundred words of a scene, today I wrote a three page outline, and just in the last two hours - I've written the first thousand or so words so that my two main characters have solid "working voices" so that I have a "jumping off" point when it is time. 
Still Love is not done and I've not stopped working on it. It currently stands at 68,118 words. My goal is 80,000. I think that is an absolutely obtainable goal. If there is more to the story, that's even better!
My biggest fear about writing isn't that no one will like what I write - I tend to not really be terribly concerned about what others think of me. It gives me a headache. My biggest concern was that I would write a story and then I would be completely out of ideas. Ha! Presently, I appear to have between five and seven potential books to go with, four of which have out lines and three of the four belong to a trilogy/series!
I know I promised to introduce the characters from Still Love -  I am still working on that without giving away the good stuff! It's harder to do than I had originally thought, but not impossible!

Playlist

The inspiration for John and Bayne's story initially came about from listing to I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic at the Disco!, as you may remember from my previous blogging. I am always in search of new songs for the writing play list! Creativity spawns creativity and every life has a sound track. Remember the first time that you heard your favorite song? Where you were, what you were doing, and who you were with? I do. Music has a way of connecting everything together. The first time that I heard I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic at the Disco!, I was in my 2003 Silver Kia Optima (it's since been traded in) and driving to my boyfriends house. The song ended and I found my self thinking "what if..." and the thoughts have been churning ever since, Bayne and John became too real to contain in my mind and they had to have their own world. They let me create it, nice of them, don't you think? Anyway - here is my current play list, I am looking for similar music and if you have any ideas - let me know!

I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic at the Disco!
Whataya Want from Me - Adam Lambert (if he's not the cutest damn thing, I don't know what is...)
Shattered (Turn the Car Around) - O.A.R
Sing - My Chemical Romance
All the Right Moves - OneRepublic
Apologize - OneRepublic
Wasting My Time - Default
Silver and Cold - AFI
Stop and Stare - OneRepublic
Falls on Me - Fuel
Hemorrhage (In My Hands) - Fuel
Send the Pain Below - Chevelle
Thnks Fr Th Mmrs - Fall Out Boy
The Kill - 30 Seconds to Mars (gorgeous eyes, that one has!)
You Don't Own Me - The Blow Monkeys (yeah - this is the version from Dirty dancing, and my favorite version)
How to Save a Life - The Fray (This is so John...lol!)